MICROFT HOLMES - Interview

What's on your playlist right now?

Microft: All I listen to is Jedi Mind Tricks. ALL I LISTEN TO IS JEDI MIND TRICKS! Violent By Design. Basically the only things worth listening to are Jedi Mind Tricks, Ghostface, MF Doom, The Grouch, Juvenile, Spice 1, Dj Quik, Eazy-E…

Plusone: Compton's Most Wanted.

Microft: I hate Compton's Most Wanted.

Plusone: Oh, what a fuck?!?

Microft: Yeah, I said it.

(Plusone violently grabs the mic)

Plusone: Pass me this thing! Basically the only good mc out right now is MC Paul Barman hailing from New York.

Microft: Oh god. You can quote this: Paul Barman can suck my asshole. He sucks. The only reason I don't diss him on records is because I don't put records out.

Most of our compatriots don't understand English, do you think they can still enjoy your music?

Microft: Of course. I think anyone can appreciate our music. Simply because of the fact that…

(Plusone interrupts him)

Plusone: The voice is moist, the delivery is choice… and I have haemorrhoids in my asshole…ti-tu-tu-tu-tu-ti-tu-tu!

(I guess that's supposed to be the noise haemorrhoids make…)

(Laughter)

Microft: End quote! Next Question!

Beyonder: Yo, check this shit out…If the motherfuckin beat…If that shit is hot…If the beat is hot, anyone can appreciate that shit. Word!

Plusone: I stand by my quote…the voice is moist, the delivery is choice…MC Paul Barman!…nah, sorry for all that Paul Barman bullshit. He's a flaming homosexual.

Is The Run out?

Microft: No.

Is an album planned?

Microft: Maybe…yeah, an album is planned. First the single must be dropped. Got my man Jeep Jack on the beats, Physical Julian, Beyonder…release date is slated for…

Plusone: 3030…

Microft: The release date is 3030. A single will be dropped by spring time 2001.

So The Run won't be released?

Microft: The Run will be released. It will be the title track for the new single. It'll be released in 2001.

You've been saying that for years…

Microft: Disregard that last comment by the Genevan Heathen. The Run will be released in 2001 with…5 new tracks…one of them will be produced by Beyonder…known for such tracks as…what is it called, "Killing Rabbits"?

(Laughter)

"Petro Rabbits".

Beyonder: Next question!

The Run was available on MP3.com a long time before its official release. I understand that you use MP3s as a promotional tool but aren't you scared of illegal mp3 bootlegging in the longer term?

Microft: Not at all. If people wanna listen to it, that's great. We're not gonna make any money. We just want people to listen to the music.

Beyonder: Yo, motherfuckers who use mp3s, stealing and shit…that's the same as bootlegging…and all you fucking fuckin' 14 years old who download your little shit and think you're fuckin' dope…you go to your school, your fuckin' backpack's on…I'll go to your fuckin' school and I'll smash your face…that shit is violating…(takes 12 years old voice) "yo, I'll go pick the 12" too!"…No, you won't! Nah, seriously, if I find you doing that shit to mine, I'll fuckin' split your wig open.

Two of your songs are available on Dj Fab's mixtape Underground Explorer. Do you plan other collaborations with this French Dj/Producer or other French rappers?

Microft: I would love to work with any French rapper except MC Solaar. Cause it's not all about Le Bien Le Mal… it's all bad… it's all baaaad!

Beyonder: I like that nigguh…

(Laughter)

Microft: Vive la France!

Can we expect to see you and the RecCompRec family in France in the following months?

Microft: Maybe in the following years.

Can you name any French Dj or MC apart from Dj Fab?

Microft: I do appreciate the sounds of TTC. Peace to Teki Latex. I do not like MC Solaar. They're not French, but Liquid Dimensions is the next shit from Geneva. Peace to my man Tenjin who produces the hot shit.

Beyonder: Them muthufuckaz IAM is nice.

Microft: IAM has nice beats, I agree.

Plusone: And a nice ass.

(Laughter)

Microft: Unfortunately I'm not totally up on my French rap…

Plusone: Why not?

Microft: I don't know, I live in America…

Plusone: Hahahahahaha!

It seems that you are the creator of your own label, Record Company Records. How and when did this story begin and how did you connect with the artists now signed to the label?

Microft: I'm just making music out of my basement…if I had one…

Beyonder: It's called Record Company Records?

Microft: Yeah, the generic name with a real sound…Wait till the t-shirt company comes out…T-shirt Company T-shirts…

(Laughter)

Beyonder: Nah, cause I was gonna call myself Dj dj.

Microft: Hahahaha, that's hot. It's hot. We all connected prior to the formation of Record Company Records. We had all decided to make music. Props to all the crew.

Is your compilation A Jeep Jack Affair your first release?

Microft: Is it a release? It's huge in France apparently. No it's not our first release actually. We had multiple compilations put out before that…

Did you?

Microft: …one.

Plusone: Hahahaha! Ultra-limited edition.

Microft: Super-limited edition.

Yeah, like 5 Burnt cds.

Plusone: I have the original cover. It's only "findable" at Sound Library.

Microft: "Findable"?!? Don't confuse French speaking people.

Beyonder: And A-1.

Microft: Yeah, 9000 dollars.

We can see your label mate the Yukonn on the cover of Mr.Lif's new 12". Are you connected with Mr.Lif, Co-Flow and the Def Jux family? Can we expect any collaboration in the future?

Microft: Yes Yukonn is on the cover of the Lif 12" along with his roommates making moves Mike and Infamous. He is tight with Lif and most other Boston Area Artists, but no collaboration work has been planned as of yet. This would be a good place to mention that the Yukonn album: Atak of the Grizzly has been completed and will be available at www.recordcompanyrecords.com, along with plenty of goodies from the rest of the crew (including myself) just as soon as the web page is up and running. If anyone is dying to get a copy or wants anything else from the crew you can email me at microftholmes@hotmail.com. Please write in English. I don't speak French. As for our connection with Co-Flow... There is none other than the fact that I am a fan of their music and both El-P and I have a strong dislike for a certain "emcee" (I use the term loosely) who shall remain nameless. If, however, any one from Company Flow, or any indelible artist for that matter, would like to do a collabo I would be very much down.

Beyonder: And you can check for upcoming Mr. Lif material for production by Beyonder and 7L, The Master Craftsmen.

Oh really, which songs did you produce?

Beyonder: Man, I don't know what he be writing to that shit… I just give him the dat and he goes (imitating Mr.Lif's nasal voice) "dowww-wowwww-lowwww!!!!"

(Laughter)

Plusone: Does he wreck?

Everybody: Like ord!!!

Beyonder: That's my dog though.

Microft: Word.

Beyonder: Nah, not really…

(Laughter)

Beyonder: But I say hi to him at shows.

(Huge laughter)

(Of course, Beyonder is just kidding, him and Lif ARE very good friends)

On the MP3.com page, Record Company Records describes itself as anti-avant garde. Does this mean you make traditional rap or that you're suspicious of intellectualism?

Microft: When I said that we are anti-avant garde, I did not mean that we were traditional rap, nor suspicious of intellectualism. In fact I meant the exact opposite. We are far from traditional rap and highly intellectual (at least most of us). The reason I define the music as anti-avant garde is because too many new school emcees try and place their music under the title of "avant garde" without even knowing what it means. Most rap is far from innovative. By claiming to be innovative the masses of simpletons are simply associating themselves with the rest of the "avant-gardists." Most people who characters themselves as avant garde are only innovative because they make music that isn't music. Maybe the beats are so weird they sound terrible. Maybe the emcee has no delivery or isn't saying a damn thing. Maybe the DJ can't really scratch and by laying down wack cuts the music becomes "avant-garde." What ever the case, it's all a sham. The reason I describe this music as anti-avant garde is because, yes, we make music that is different, but more importantly in my opinion it is audibly pleasing. So be warned. If a group labels themselves as "avant-garde" .They probably suck…Plusone, what do you have to say about that?

Plusone: I have been searching for a long time for a vagina that accepts me for who I am: a 12 year old trapped in the body of 21 years old person. If there is anyone out there in Geneva…

In France!

Plusone: Paris, wherever, Zimbabwe, wherever… my telephone number is… the area code is XXX, dial X first though… XXX-XXXX, XXX-XXXX… and leave message. I love to take long walks at night. There's nothing I love more than talking about a woman's problems and uuuh… yeah.

(Plusone actually gave his real phone number, but the Genevan Heathen decided to edit that part)

Aight, cool.

Plusone: That was so unnecessary. Now I'm gonna have to screen calls.

Microft: Yeah, like French girls have nothing better to do than make long distance calls to Plusone.

The name of your label is a quite funny and clever idea. Has it a specific meaning?

Beyonder: That shit is fuckin white.

Microft: Yeah, on some whiteboy shit. It's got no meaning. It's Record Company Records cause we make records. That's what we do. Hopefully.

Yeah, and you suck!

(Laughter)

Microft: Hey, they love me in Paris! Peace! Record Company Records is the brainchild of Jeep Jack, producer extraordinaire.

Tell me about that shit you did with Shakka.

Microft: Yeah, I would like to take a moment to plug my man Shakka. He's coming out with the ill compilation. It's trip hop music. Look for it, SunMoonProductions, major release, coming out sometime soon. I just made a track with him. It's on some down tempo depressing type stuff.

Beyonder: Should plug my shit too though…

You can plug your shit too.

Microft: Plug your shit.

Plusone: Oh, this is gonna be dope.

Beyonder: Yo, yo Check it. Yo. Word. Niggaz fuckin', suckin', drinkin', smokin'

Microft: Rhymin'…

Beyonder: Yo, check it out. It's the year 2001. Niggaz is mad hungry for that real shit. So we giving niggaz what they want. Word. Nah, for real, gotta check out that new Master Craftsmen shit, Beyonder and 7L, "Volume 1".

Plusone: That's a lot of volumes.

(Laughter)

Beyonder: Hahahaha!

Plusone: Putting mad work, volume 1 coming out!

Beyonder: Yo, how you gonna get a volume 10 without a volume 1?!? Think about that! Nah, for real, 7L and Beyonder, The Master Craftsmen coming out on Brick Records, "Volume 1". It's…a bunch of beats…

Microft: Hahahaha!

Who's gonna be rhymin' on it?

Beyonder: We're gonna have Jus Allah from Jedi Mind Tricks. It's gonna be a 4 volume set. We're gonna have various mcs. We're gonna have Jus Allah, Ruck from Heltah Skeltah, Large Professor, Esoteric, Reks, all the Brick Records all-stars…It's gonna take a little bit time but go pick that shit up you French niggaz, should be hot.

I got a question.

Microft: Yeah, what's your question?

(Pointing at Plusone)

Who is this kid?

Microft: It's Plusone23! Yo, it's my man Plusone aka MF Rich… the baddest… rap fan!

(Laughter)

Microft: Yo, Y'all need that rare limited edition super cool double Anticon release? Yo, my man is putting that on Ebay for ya'll. My man is making bank on Ebay.

Beyonder: I got something to say. Now that we're talking about Anticon and shit. Check this shit out. I go to a rap show, I wanna hear rap music. If a numb muthufucka gets up and tries to spit a poem with no beat behind that shit, I'mma smack ya straight up. There's a fuckin time and place for that shit. If I wanna go to a café, drink a nice coffee and see a foul on a podium kick poems, I'll go to that shit. But if I'm at a muthufuckin show, I wanna hear some beats and rhymes and shit. You won't talk about…"ooooh society!" dumb white muthufuckaz who ain't gone through shit, grew with mad privileges. I'mma approach a muthufucka. I'mma be like "yo, you cool and all…"

Plusone: Our revolution will happen between your thighs…

Beyonder: Yeah.

(Laughter)

Beyonder: So cut that shit off! That kid from Atmosphere won the blaze battle, that's a mockery…

(Laughter)

Beyonder: That's a disgrace. That shit is weak. I'm out.

(Plusone is passing out now).

Microft: I have to say I like Atmosphere a lot. Especially "God's Bathroom Floor".

Any last comments?

Microft: When the records drop, buy them. If you like the music, God bless. We appreciate everyone out there who's listening to the music. Buy the new Beyonder shit. Anything produced by the Beyonder. Peace to all of Record Company Records. Jeep Jack, GMT, Physical Jules, Elation, Yukonn, Sam Lover, Dj Frank White and everybody. The music is getting better, the shit y'all heard is weak in comparison to the new stuff. And weak to begin with.

Which new stuff?!? You haven't recorded anything in fuckin 6 months ?!?

Microft: Fuck you! You little Swiss kid! The new shit's coming out, it's gonna be hot as hell. It's gonna be fuckin' marshmallow toasted. Peace to Shakka too.

Beyonder: Check out the new Grimm album on Brick Records!

Microft: Really?

Really?

Plusone: You're lying.

Beyonder: No…featuring Percee-P!

Beyonder, anything else you wanna talk about?

Beyonder: I got a muthufuckin scratch record coming out.

You do?

Microft: huuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu…

(that's Microft imitating the typical scratch record sound effect)

Plusone: Can I have a cigarette?

Beyonder: It's called Superdougefresh onthernbtiptake aboogeroff yourshoeshit fatlacebreak dancewind mealslappa niggabitche atadonut breaks.

Plusone: Hahahaha!

Beyonder: And it's coming out on Stupidcrazy fresh getacoathanger andajacket drinksomecoffee smokeacigarettee ataboloni sandwich Records.

Microft: Yo, the reason this interview is so silly is because it's my man the Genevan Heathen's last evening here in Boston and he was asking to consume a little "champagne" (Microft tries itself at French pronunciation) so we had to go out and buy a bottle of Moet, know I mean?!?

Actually there's another question.

Microft: Another question?

Plusone: This is the best one?

(I let Plusone read the question)

On the Record Company Records MP3.com page, you mention Angelo Badalementi and Lalo Schiffrin along with true rappers like MF Doom and The Grouch…

Microft: By the way, I love The Grouch.

...How did these composers influence your and your fellows' music?

Microft: Basically we're influenced by good music. If you can't appreciate Badalementi and Schiffrin, yo, your shit's wack, you don't even know.

What about all those Cash Money Records cds in your car?

Microft: I fuckin love Juvenile! I'm not gonna front…

(Plusone interrupts him yet again)

Plusone: Afu-ra is the worst MC in the fuckin world! I will fuckin' fight that muthufucka. I will slap him. He's taken 1 kung-fu lesson, I've taken 3. I will destroy him. I will rip those fuckin shitlocks off his face and tell him that his verse on "Mental Stamina" wasn't that good. He shouldn't spit it at every show cause people are sick and tired of hearing it, you know, you know. Yeah!

(Please disregard those comments, Plusone is obviously drunk as hell)

What happened to the Beyonder EP? Is it still happening?

Beyonder: Yeah.

Cool…

Plusone: Could you elaborate maybe?

Beyonder: Beyonder EP is coming out very shortly. It's gonna be on triple vinyl, featuring…

Microft: What color, what color of vinyl?!?

Beyonder: It's gonna be all maggot green. Featuring Jay-Z, Lil Kim, Treach from Naughty By Nature, Kurious…

Aren't you using those old Tupac verses?

Beyonder: Yeah, but we play them backwards. Who else is on this shit…Miles Davis is on it. We got…

Plusone: Humphrey Bogart?

Beyonder: Yeah, that nigguh on it. We got…

Cindy Lauper?

Beyonder: Cindy Lauper is on that shit, Boy George is on that shit. Madonna's on it…

Plusone: Pat Benatar…

Beyonder: …Prince…and your mom is on it.

What are your other upcoming projects?

Microft: Dude, we're just making music. My only upcoming projects are building bigger muscles, making rap music…The other projects coming up are whatever we can dream of in our minds, so we'll see as it comes…

Last words…

Microft: This is Microft, the Beyonder, and Plusone…interviewed by the Genevan Heathen…and drunk as stupid out there…consuming…

Plusone: Donuts…

Moet.

Microft: Yeah, Moet…Fuck the Moet, we just ate a dozen of Dunkin Donuts donuts and I had an egg and cheese croissant too…some coffee and some cigarettes…We love you people…We love the French…Ya'll make some great baguettes…

Beyonder: Yeah, because we like to…(singing the Beatnuts' song) liiiick the pussy!

Microft: What's that?

Beyonder: Liiiick the pussy!

Plusone: And Microft likes to…

Microft and Beyonder: Liiick the pussy!

Microft: Ayo, Beyonder likes to…

Beyonder: Liiick the pussy!

Microft: Ayo, what about Plusone, he likes to?

Beyonder: Lick the pussy.

Microft: And the Genevan Heathen likes to…

Beyonder: Lick the pussy.

Microft: Peace.